So based on my one shooting experience (see above) I am not sure I would be brave enough to carry a rifle. I felt way more comfortable with the revolver over the automatic when I went to the range. I was also a better shot with the revolver. The automatic actually scared me too much... I can't imagine I wouldn't be even more scared of anything larger. The loud noise and the kick back freaked me out the most. If I ever do purchase a firearm it will likely be a small revolver.
That said I have very mixed feelings about fire arms. I don't have any problem with responsible educated people owning fire arms. ie If you own a firearm I strongly believe you should know how to use it and do it safely. But, for me personally I am terrified that I would get depressed one day and use it not as intended. My grandfather committed suicide with a gun when I was a little girl and my almost step brother (our parents lived together for years and almost married) also committed suicide by gun just a few years ago. So I have a lot of emotional baggage and fear wrapped up with guns especially with my own battle with depression and anxiety. My own anxiety about suicide is so bad that I freak out even handling kitchen knives or driving over bridges. I am constantly convinced I am going to purposefully cut myself or drive off a bridge so I try to avoid them. I purposefully only use the tiny steak knives when cooking even though the larger knives are often more practical.
Nik, I'm so sorry for your losses, and sorry to hear that you suffer with depression and anxiety. This world can be so hard sometimes
But just know that their is nothing in life that can't be overcome. Fear can come in and feel as though it's strangling you, stealing all thoughts, and laying claim of your life. The key is taking every thought captive, and thinking on things that are good. We have a choice in what we think. A lot of people don't realize that. It took me a long time realize it! We think around 40,000 thoughts a day. And ugly, fearful, heartbreaking thoughts can play like a reel over and over. But we have the power to make them stop. We can choose to think about what we love, what we value, what we hold dear. Remembering peaceful moments, especially at times when the fear creeps in. Tell yourself No! I'm going to think about this!! Refuse to entertain it. And instead think about a beautiful moment shared with someone you love. Think about a fond memory from childhood. Then start thinking about what your thankful for. For me that helps tremendously. Another helpful tool for me is to start thinking about others. Like, what kind word can I say to my neighbor Susie today, she's going through a lot. etc... It gets my mind off of my own problems. And I know depression is complex. But these are some simple things that someone could start right now, and it can help. I sincerely believe that as a man thinketh so is he.
