I said goodbye to Mazey on November 23rd. She was not a mastiff, but in the past, I spoke of her frequently on this forum. I would have done anything to save her, but in the end, I couldn't do anything. She declined very quickly from cardiac hemangiosarcoma that ruptured and began to bleed into the sac around her heart. She was so normal - went on a mile walk, went to physical therapy that morning, ate her dinner with gusto, was her normal happy self - and then she wasn't. I told myself this would get easier with time, but it hasn't. I always thought I would have enough time to really say goodbye. I honestly don't know how to be without her. She has been there my entire adult life. She was there when I graduated high school, went away to college with me (where she was my partner in crime, thankfully we both survived all my mistakes), was my shoulder to cry on when vet school was too hard. For twelve years, she has been my constant companion. Went with me on every single trip, was there for my wedding, was there when my dad died. She taught me how to be a compassionate, responsible dog owner. I keep thinking how hard I tried to make sure she lived a life full of adventure and love, hoping that will make me feel better. But all I feel is lost. It hurts every time I get in my car to go to work without her, every time I collect 3 dog food bowls instead of 4, every time my eyes wander over to where she should be in her bed, every time I pause on our daily walks to wait on her to catch up before I realize she's not there. I miss her.