It's Been A While

Discussion in 'General Mastiff Discussion' started by CeeCee, Sep 11, 2019.

  1. CeeCee

    CeeCee Well-Known Member

    For months now I have been trying to post, but I haven't been able to. Doing so takes me back so a place I would rather not go, but this community was such a huge part of my mastiff owning experience - especially in the beginning when it was all new to me - I felt I needed to.

    In November of 2018 I lost my beloved Lila unexpected one Friday night. Even now, 10 months later, I grieve my precious girl like I just lost her yesterday. Before I could get the air back in my lungs and my legs back underneath me, I lost my beloved Zeek a week before Christmas after a long illness.

    If you've been around this Forum for a while, you know that Lila and Zeek were my everythings. They taught me so much about dogs, life, and myself. They were my partners in life for 11 and 8 years. There are no words for what they mean to me. I grieve their passing's every day. I can't bring myself to clean the Zeek slobber off of my car windows and I collect their furs into little jars whenever I find them.

    My saving grace through all of this has been Prudence.

    I knew that Lila and Zeek were wonderful teachers for Pru, but only in their absence can I see how much they really taught her. It has been absolutely breath taking to watch Pru demonstrate the the lessons she learned from her big sister and brother. She has grown into an amazing girl. She may not have Lila's wisdom (yet) or Zeek's dignity (ever ;) ) but what she does have is uniquely hers. She lives each day with trust, wonder, and joy. It's been a long road, but slowly, I am re-discovering my joy and each day Pru is beside me to point out the wonder and joy when I miss them.

    Dearest Lila and Zeek, "Thank you" is so inadequate for everything have given me, shared with me and taught me, but it is all I have. Thank you, my loves, thank you. I love you with all my heart. I miss you always. Please promise me that you will be the first to greet me when it's time for me to join you.
     

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    April Nicole likes this.
  2. Bailey's Mom

    Bailey's Mom Super Moderator Staff Member

    Oh, my dear friend, I am so sorry that this has happened to you, losing both in such a short time...it must have been desperately hard to even breath, almost like drowning gasping for air. Poor Pru, it must have hit her like a brick, too. Poor girl, losing her four-legged family. The two of you must have been desolate...but, you still had each other to love, and to help heal.

    I remember how dedicated you were to your dogs, how protective.... You were one of the best dog moms, I have ever met. I wish I could hug you and comfort you, but all I can say is that Lila and Zeke were blessed. They were Blessed to share their lives with you.

    I know in my heart that on the day you close your eyes here, you will open them there and they will run to greet you, and your family will be whole for eternity. I believe this. I hope this comforts you.

    E.
     
  3. Smokeycat

    Smokeycat Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss.
     
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  4. CeeCee

    CeeCee Well-Known Member

    Thank you honey for your very kind words. Writing that post was very hard. It brings me back to that initial crushing grief. This Forum has been such a loving and supportive group and I felt like I needed to let you know.

    Most days are much better now. I can look back and smile and laugh at all that we shared. I swear to you that sometimes I can feel them right by my side. It brings me great comfort.
     
  5. Bailey's Mom

    Bailey's Mom Super Moderator Staff Member

    I have experienced this phenomenon...this sacred place feeling of a beloved one's spirit near you.... Their ghosts have a welcome home with me...they are my friends, my family, my loved ones. Poor grand-daughter dog whose damage couldn't be healed...next door dog (beloved by us, but dangerous to many) other dogs who have passed beyond that bind our family's love and memories. These dogs made us HUMAN! They were the description of what a "HUMAN" should be when loving a dog!

    I understand the BLESSING...how "In"Human would we be without them helping US be OUR best!

    I understand this CeeCee.... My heart understands this grief and THANKFULNESS.

    Our Dogs Bless Our Lives.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2019
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  6. Nik

    Nik Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss and sending many hugs from my family to your's. I know what you mean about them teaching Pru so much and not noticing as much until they were gone. It was that way when we lost our Cerberus. We could suddenly see how much he had passed onto Diesel. Even these years later it brings me comfort to see his lessons live on in our Diesel.
     
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  7. Sheila Braund

    Sheila Braund Well-Known Member

    Oh my! I'm so sorry you're going threw this.... as I read your post my heart feels your sorrow.... sending love and prayers. (((Hugs)))
     
  8. DenyMcKusker

    DenyMcKusker Member

    As I wipe the tears away from my face. I haven't had the pleasure of knowing you but I feel like I do now. Thank you for sharing!!!
     
  9. DennasMom

    DennasMom Well-Known Member

    My heart hurts with you.

    I'm so glad you have Pru there with you. But I also know that Lila and Zeek are still with you - in your heart and in spirit - to help you through this.

    Our experience losing our first dog as a couple hit my husband and I like a brick - it was a sudden stroke overnight - we had no warning. We didn't know the signs to see them, if they were there. We brought a new puppy home a few months later, and he already new the rules we had taught our older dog; "no dogs in the kitchen" being the one we were most amazed that we did not have to teach - as our new pup already new that rule. I have no doubt our old dog was still in our home in spirit, helping us with our new little guy. He was always our guardian and supervisor.

    I'm a firm believer that our dogs never leave our side. They travel with us every day. They crawl into our hearts and protect our souls. They don't leave, they just make room for more to love. I still wish they could stay on this world with us, it's so hard when they pass.
     
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  10. Boxergirl

    Boxergirl Well-Known Member

    CeeCee, I'm so very sorry. I too know that crushing grief. I'm grateful that you have Pru to help you get through this. I have no doubt that Lila and Zeek are waiting for you.
     
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  11. April Nicole

    April Nicole Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is so hard. Its like being on a rollercoaster.
     
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  12. CeeCee

    CeeCee Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your kind words and support. I know that this group knows the grief.
     
    Sheila Braund likes this.
  13. Jakesmum

    Jakesmum Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss. We lost our Jake a year ago this week and it truly takes your breath away! My condolences on your loss.
     
    Sheila Braund likes this.

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