For months now I have been trying to post, but I haven't been able to. Doing so takes me back so a place I would rather not go, but this community was such a huge part of my mastiff owning experience - especially in the beginning when it was all new to me - I felt I needed to. In November of 2018 I lost my beloved Lila unexpected one Friday night. Even now, 10 months later, I grieve my precious girl like I just lost her yesterday. Before I could get the air back in my lungs and my legs back underneath me, I lost my beloved Zeek a week before Christmas after a long illness. If you've been around this Forum for a while, you know that Lila and Zeek were my everythings. They taught me so much about dogs, life, and myself. They were my partners in life for 11 and 8 years. There are no words for what they mean to me. I grieve their passing's every day. I can't bring myself to clean the Zeek slobber off of my car windows and I collect their furs into little jars whenever I find them. My saving grace through all of this has been Prudence. I knew that Lila and Zeek were wonderful teachers for Pru, but only in their absence can I see how much they really taught her. It has been absolutely breath taking to watch Pru demonstrate the the lessons she learned from her big sister and brother. She has grown into an amazing girl. She may not have Lila's wisdom (yet) or Zeek's dignity (ever ) but what she does have is uniquely hers. She lives each day with trust, wonder, and joy. It's been a long road, but slowly, I am re-discovering my joy and each day Pru is beside me to point out the wonder and joy when I miss them. Dearest Lila and Zeek, "Thank you" is so inadequate for everything have given me, shared with me and taught me, but it is all I have. Thank you, my loves, thank you. I love you with all my heart. I miss you always. Please promise me that you will be the first to greet me when it's time for me to join you.