hello everyone! well here I am, still alive and kicking, kicking like hell and definitely am going to look in to joining the fight like a girl club, what a fabulous idea!! so as Terie (Cinnamon Roll) told you it has been a rough couple of days. Wednesday was the day I had an appointment to see my consultant, the news was not what I had hoped for but sort of what I expected. There are two tumours on my left lung, one the size of a lemon that is pressing down on my main air way and one at the bottom probably about the size of a grape. I went in for my biopsy yesterday which was done by a bronchopathy and was absolute HELL!! I felt every single thing, the sedation didn't take and I told them it wouldn't but they didn't listen and neither of the freezings took either. They make you snort a thick gel that is meant to numb your nose...BS! Then they spray another freezing agent in your throat that is meant to freeze your airway..BS!! I told them it wasn't working all the while they were telling me to not cough. How the f*ck I was meant to not cough is beyond me. They told me the sedation would make me 'away with the fairies', I think they were away with the fairies. I told them when I had IVF the sedation didn't work and guess what it didn't work again this time either. Anyway...they did a lung wash and took a snip (after going through the wall of the lung) of the 'lemon'. Once the hell was all over and done with I have to admit I sat and sobbed like a baby. I guess all the stress of the past couple of weeks and the pain of yesterday finally got to me and I broke. It was my first cry and I was pissed off with myself for doing it but I couldn't help it, I just cried. My hands where shaking and nose was running and chest burning like a bitch. FFS I am 46 years old, to big and ugly to cry right? Nope it would seem not. So....now we wait about 5 days and hopefully we will know what type of cancer it is...who knew there was so many to choose from....and what it going to be done about it. I am in absolute awe of the love and support you are all reaching out with. The simple words Thank You seem ungrateful and weak, but they are all I can think of saying. I hope you will stay with my on my journey, I love you all being here and sharing it with me and your support means the absolute world to me. There is so much to read and take in so please bear with me while I try and catch up with you all and please don't be mad at me if I am not here for a few days. Terie will know whats happening and I am sure will come here and update for me if I cant get to do it. Love to you all. Tammy
she said it was beyond painful.
